BREAKING NEWS: CUPCAKES ARE JUST SMALL ROUND PIECES OF REGULAR CAKE

Slice of cake - the fat, ugly cousin of the cupcake

West Village, New York City: To the shock of women everywhere, today it was discovered that the adorable teeny cupcakes slathered with rich pastel colored icing found at homey boutique bakeries with 1950’s aesthetic valued at more than $6 a piece (and serving roughly .3 people) are in fact just small round pieces of regular cake with regular frosting.

Economists estimate two 12” cakes of comparable oppressive sweetness and unimpressive texture can be baked for less than $3 with generic brand grocery store cake mix, serving over 20 people.

“Look at me,” argued Jessica Little, an especially pale and petite cupcake consumer, “I am too interesting and cute to eat a SLICE of something!”

On a related note, the most adorable little pizza place in SoHo in New York City is now selling cuppizzas for $100 each.

The cutest little Cuppizza selling for $100 at a SoHo boutique pizza cafe near you.