The Coalition for the 99.999999%, comprised mostly of anxious millionaires, held a press conference today demanding that Congress pass new legislation to raise taxes on the people who allegedly really control wealth in America - billionaires.
“Being a millionaire is nothing nowadays,” claimed Rajesh Kapoor, 99.999999% organizer and recent Silicon Valley millionaire after developing a new Android app that reminds you hourly to brush your teeth. “After you buy a small mansion, a few hybrid cars, go on a couple of vacations to Bora Bora, build out your investment portfolio, hire weekday and weekend nannies, and pay for your child's college, you are essentially struggling to made ends meet, just like the working class man. We all know the real money is with billionaires.”
The Coalition for the 99.999999% is pushing to increases taxes on billionaires by a whopping 45%. “Imagine the number of iPads for the poor that could buy!” exclaimed Kapoor while pre-ordering an iPhone 11 on his new iPhone 10.
Many of the 600 billionaires in the US are strongly contesting the claims of the 99.999999%. “A billion is nothing nowadays,” said Michael Dell, CEO of Dell Technologies, “After you get a few private islands and build your doomsday bunker in New Zealand, you are pretty much broke. But gazillionaires, man, now THAT is where the real money is.”
