Over two hundred years ago, during a rustic supper in his private residence, President George Washington was propositioned by the visiting King of France. The query was straightforward: Might the new burgeoning America consider adopting the French metric system to facilitate relations between the two nations?
The King received his answer in the form of scalding pea soup being poured down his finely gilded cod piece.
Now, more than two centuries later, France is once again leading the charge to get the rebellious America to join the rest of the globe and adopt the metric system of measurement. Using its sway in the United Nations, France has managed to convince the international entity to initiate a campaign aimed at lobbying US civilians.
The first phase of this campaign was initiated yesterday in Chicago, Illinois at a White Sox baseball game. Trying to emphasize the benefits of the metric system, the UN convinced stadium officials to replace all foot-long hot dogs with meter long hot dogs and quarter pounder hamburgers with a quarter-kilogram of meat.
Needless to say, the three foot in length sausages and over-half pound burger patties caused the stadium to erupt into complete bedlam, with a riots breaking out at nearly every snack bar counter.
”How come no one ever told us the metric system is the bargain of the century!” cried one woman, hauling 18 feet of hot dog over her shoulder while body slamming a pimply teenage boy, “Three hot dogs for the price of one? Fuck yeah!”
In a related story, Americans are fat.
