Post Obama Re-election, Angry White Men Choose Self-Deportation

- Shocked to find hordes of brown people all over Europe -

The London Tube is roughly the same size as a paper towel roll.

The Lon­don Tube has roughly the same diam­e­ter as a paper towel roll.

Lon­don: After learn­ing of Pres­i­dent Obama’s reelec­tion, Simon Wat­son decided to flee an Amer­ica he no longer rec­og­nized, choos­ing to self deport to his ances­tral coun­try, the United King­dom (although he is 1/8 Ger­man, 1/10 French, 1/7 Por­tuguese, 1/12 Dutch, & a touch Mohi­can). But after land­ing in Heathrow Int’l Air­port and mak­ing his way to Vic­to­ria Sta­tion via the uncom­fort­ably cramped Lon­don tube, Wat­son was hor­ri­fied to find brown peo­ple scur­ry­ing about everywhere.

God damn it! Is there no escape? I mean, they are sell­ing cell phone hold­ers and assorted spicy nuts right on the lawn of Buck­ing­ham Palace!” cried Wat­son, while fling­ing a balled up greasy Big Mac wrap­per into a well-kept hedge, “Is noth­ing sacred? And how many Kebab Palaces can you have in one city?”

The spici­est nuts in town can be found at Buck­ing­ham Palace.

Wat­son imme­di­ately returned to the air­port, plan­ning to go back to the small 99.9% white town he resided in out­side of Kansas City, MO. Unfor­tu­nately, he was promptly detained by UK immi­gra­tion for attempt­ing to smug­gle 7 kilos of cocaine and the fur hide of an endan­gered species of fox out of the country.