London: After learning of President Obama’s reelection, Simon Watson decided to flee an America he no longer recognized, choosing to self deport to his ancestral country, the United Kingdom (although he is 1/8 German, 1/10 French, 1/7 Portuguese, 1/12 Dutch, & a touch Mohican). But after landing in Heathrow Int’l Airport and making his way to Victoria Station via the uncomfortably cramped London tube, Watson was horrified to find brown people scurrying about everywhere.
“God damn it! Is there no escape? I mean, they are selling cell phone holders and assorted spicy nuts right on the lawn of Buckingham Palace!” cried Watson, while flinging a balled up greasy Big Mac wrapper into a well-kept hedge, “Is nothing sacred? And how many Kebab Palaces can you have in one city?”
Watson immediately returned to the airport, planning to go back to the small 99.9% white town he resided in outside of Kansas City, MO. Unfortunately, he was promptly detained by UK immigration for attempting to smuggle 7 kilos of cocaine and the fur hide of an endangered species of fox out of the country.