Cairo, Egypt: Last week, archeologists made a most remarkable discovery in the shadows of the pyramids of Giza — a cluster of graves containing snug, form fitting sarcophaguses, so tight that they appear as almost a second-skin of the bodies within.
Similar to the current popular skinny jeans trend, while these skinny sarcophaguses made the dead appear to be sleek, trim, and attractive from the thighs downward, they suffered from serious shortcomings anywhere above that point. Out of the rows of skinny sarcophaguses found at the site, many mummies suffered from “muffin tops,” where side flesh unflatteringly spilled out of their encasing, and “crack attack” where the deep crevice created by the pushing together of their buttocks was also exposed (especially prevalent for bodies mummified in a bent over position).
This new discovery contradicts years of what was thought to be well-established fact in the archeological world. “We have always thought people wanted to bury royalty in spacious sarcophaguses, so they could travel beyond to the other side in relative comfort,” explained Dr. Rabin Ali, lead archaeologist on the expedition, “But apparently traveling in style, no matter how uncomfortable, unhygienic, or potentially embarrassing, was as important to these ancient peoples as it is in modern day society.”