Northfield, Illinois: Soon hip hop heavyweights such as Lil Wayne and Kayne West will be in da club, sippin’ on low calorie Cristal Light — that is if Kraft Foods succeeds in their newest marketing scheme. The company is changing the name of Crystal Light, a “beverage” enjoyed by Ladies Home Journal readers across America, to Cristal Light, an low calorie mixer that will soon be advertised across the pages of VIBE magazine.
“I like to mix my non-alcoholic Cristal Light with Hennessey and a touch of Tanqueray,” said Marty Tootles, PR specialist for the company, “Both of which are also Kraft products.”
Unfortunately, the plan has faced some challenges — namely the overpowering sour stench of urine emanating from the powdery mix — most particularly from the Lemonade flavor.
“This shit smells like piss,” claims 50 Cent, “And I only drink shit that smells like piss made by Vitamin Water.”