Catholic Church Demands Gov’t Censor Salacious Ancient Rock Formations

TITillating ancient tent rocks of Kasha-Katuwe as they are now

Catholic Church proposal for discretion and maritime style

 

Santa Fe, New Mex­ico: Today, Arch­bishop Shee­han of the Arch­dio­cese of Santa Fe held a press con­fer­ence where he demanded that the fed­eral gov­ern­ment take imme­di­ate action to con­ceal smutty ancient rock for­ma­tions. “I live in New Mex­ico, home to count­less lewd, shame­less, filthy rock for­ma­tions with shapes capa­ble of per­vert­ing even the most pure of minds,” cried the Arch­bishop, “I demand the gov­ern­ment take action to pro­tect the peo­ple from such taste­less appeals for atten­tion from the nat­ural world.”

“Clearly, nature has very low self esteem,” added the Catholic leader.

The Arch­bishop then pre­sented sev­eral artist’s ren­di­tions of how the gov­ern­ment might approach the prob­lem of provoca­tive ero­sion. In one pro­posal, an ele­gant yet com­fort­able nautical-style blouse was placed over the tent rocks of Kasha-Katuwe — a for­ma­tion which, after hun­dreds of thou­sands of years of water and wind ero­sion, was left resem­bling the sup­ple, perky, and sug­ges­tive breasts of an active teenage woman.

In another ren­di­tion, a penile-shaped rock was trans­formed into a whim­si­cal may­pole with chil­dren of diverse back­grounds cheer­fully skip­ping around it.

The Arch­bishop plans to take his protest to the Grand Canyon next to build sup­port — intro­duc­ing a plan to put an incred­i­bly large pair of under­wear over the impres­sive crevice.