Monthly Archives: December 2011

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Baby Jesus Kidnapped by Third Magi; Retribution for Commodity Speculation Possible Motive

A spokesper­son for the New York City Police Depart­ment has reported the Baby Jesus miss­ing and likely kid­napped from a SOHO nativ­ity scene. NYC deputies ear­lier named Santa Claus as a “per­son of inter­est” but later cleared him of any … Con­tinue read­ing

 

Crystal Light Changes Name To Cristal Light, Seeks Endorsements from Hip Hop Elite

North­field, Illi­nois: Soon hip hop heavy­weights such as Lil Wayne and Kayne West will be in da club, sip­pin’ on low calo­rie Cristal Light — that is if Kraft Foods suc­ceeds in their newest mar­ket­ing scheme. The com­pany is chang­ing the … Con­tinue read­ing

 

SuperShuttle Enters Space-Time Warp; Rider Arrives At Home Before She Even Left

Miami: Yes­ter­day, Maria Vasquez expe­ri­enced a most bizarre occur­rence. As she was pack­ing up her lug­gage, prepar­ing for Super­Shut­tle to pick her up and take her to the air­port for her flight to Puerto Rico, she heard a knock at … Con­tinue read­ing

 

Millionaires Lobby for Billionaires Tax

Being a mil­lion­aire is noth­ing nowa­days,” claimed Rajesh Kapoor, 99.999999% orga­nizer and recent Sil­i­con Val­ley mil­lion­aire after devel­op­ing a new Android app that reminds you hourly to brush your teeth. Con­tinue read­ing

 

Egyptian Archaeologists Make Incredible Discovery; Skinny Sarcophaguses Were All the Rage in Ancient Egypt

Sim­i­lar to the cur­rent pop­u­lar skinny jeans trend, while these skinny sar­coph­a­guses made the dead appear to be sleek, trim, and attrac­tive from the thighs down­ward, they suf­fered from seri­ous short­com­ings any­where above that point. Con­tinue read­ing

 
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