Monthly Archives: November 2011

Catholic Church Demands Gov’t Censor Salacious Ancient Rock Formations

I live in New Mex­ico, home to count­less lewd, shame­less, filthy rock for­ma­tions with shapes capa­ble of per­vert­ing even the most pure of minds,” cried the Arch­bishop, “I demand the gov­ern­ment take action to pro­tect the peo­ple from such taste­less appeals for atten­tion from the nat­ural world.” Con­tinue read­ing

 

Banker Attempts To Will Market Recovery With His Mind; Soils Underwear

Roberto Diaz, equi­ties ana­lyst for Gold­man Sachs, spent 1pm — 6 pm yes­ter­day after­noon intensely chan­nel­ing all of his men­tal energy to will the recov­ery of highly unsta­ble global mar­kets. Diaz curled up into a tight ball under his desk, … Con­tinue read­ing

 

U.S. To Require Visas for Foreign Entry Via Google Maps

When Lien Meng, an office worker in Shang­hai, hopped onto her com­puter dur­ing her lunch break, slurp­ing up beef noo­dle soup while vir­tu­ally trav­el­ing through the streets of Bev­erly Hills, down Santa Mon­ica Boule­vard, search­ing for Justin Bieber’s new $1.7 … Con­tinue read­ing

 

B of A Responds to Wall Street Protests, Replaces Millionaire CEO with Unpaid Intern

In attempts to appease Occupy Wall Street pro­test­ers who demand a reduc­tion in exor­bi­tant banker com­pen­sa­tion, Bank of Amer­ica has replaced their mil­lion­aire CEO, Brian Moyni­han, with a 26 year old unpaid intern named Michael Pilotin. Con­tinue read­ing