Monthly Archives: November 2011

Catholic Church Demands Gov’t Censor Salacious Ancient Rock Formations

“I live in New Mexico, home to countless lewd, shameless, filthy rock formations with shapes capable of perverting even the most pure of minds,” cried the Archbishop, “I demand the government take action to protect the people from such tasteless appeals for attention from the natural world.” Continue reading

 

Banker Attempts To Will Market Recovery With His Mind; Soils Underwear

Roberto Diaz, equities analyst for Goldman Sachs, spent 1pm – 6 pm yesterday afternoon intensely channeling all of his mental energy to will the recovery of highly unstable global markets. Diaz curled up into a tight ball under his desk, … Continue reading

 

U.S. To Require Visas for Foreign Entry Via Google Maps

When Lien Meng, an office worker in Shanghai, hopped onto her computer during her lunch break, slurping up beef noodle soup while virtually traveling through the streets of Beverly Hills, down Santa Monica Boulevard, searching for Justin Bieber’s new $1.7 … Continue reading

 

B of A Responds to Wall Street Protests, Replaces Millionaire CEO with Unpaid Intern

In attempts to appease Occupy Wall Street protesters who demand a reduction in exorbitant banker compensation, Bank of America has replaced their millionaire CEO, Brian Moynihan, with a 26 year old unpaid intern named Michael Pilotin. Continue reading